Dina Climatiano

Gym haikus

1. Lateral raises

It’s best to accept

that you won’t be lifting more

in the near future.

2.

Excuse me fine lad [or gal, I do not discriminate],

How many have you got left? [or: Are you done with your scrolling?]

I just need one set.

3. Bulgarian split squats

If you’re not shaking

and swearing a lot ¬-

you’re doing it wrong.

4. Bulgarian split squats II

Lean forward a bit;

it will elongate your glutes

and your agony.

5. Bulgarian split squats III

They’re my favorite

Unilateral movement;

my legs disagree.

6. Deadlift

If I ever need

to carry you to safety

I will be ready.

7. Deadlift II

Do not wear those gloves;

you’ll be able to lift more.

Your palms will be proof.

8.

Linger at the top

connect your mind and body

and slowly come down.

9. Rowing machine

I’m never gonna

get stuck on a boat mid-sea

if I have some oars.

10.

Try to live your life

in progressive overload,

but make sure to rest.

11. Hip thrusts

Setting up hip thrusts

is a workout on its own

long and tedious…

For the love of God,

can we have bars near benches

or get a machine?

12. Bench

I am just a girl

standing in front of a bench

looking for small plates.

13. Squat

A squat feels good now

but wait until tomorrow

when your legs are dead.

14.

I come to the gym

troubled, angry and distraught

but leave accomplished.